Finding the Right Therapist

• 00:00 – 02:08: Introduction & acknowledgement of Country
• 02:09 – 05:56: Psychology vs psychotherapy: training, focus, and practice
• 05:57 – 08:54: Attachment theory and who benefits from attachment work
• 08:55 – 10:12: Signs of insecure attachment
• 10:13 – 26:39: Live therapy segment: bodily sensations, imagery, attachment, and co-regulation
• 26:40 – 36:31: What happened in the therapy demonstration and how the process unfolded
• 36:32 – 40:27: How to start looking for a therapist
• 40:28 – 47:19: What to look for in the first few sessions
• 47:20 – 55:36: Rupture, repair, and feedback in therapy
• 55:37 – 1:00:16: When therapy drifts and how to talk about it
• 1:00:17 – 1:05:04: Green flags and red flags when choosing a therapist
• 1:05:05 – End: Closing reflections

• Introduction

Laura: Finding the right therapist can feel overwhelming. There are countless profiles, modalities, qualifications, and opinions about what therapy should look like.

Today I'm joined by Melbourne-based psychotherapist Tim to explore one of the most common questions people ask when starting therapy:

How do you find the right therapist for you?

Along the way we discuss attachment, the therapeutic relationship, what makes therapy effective, and the green flags and red flags to look for when choosing a therapist.

• Psychology vs Psychotherapy

Laura: People often ask what the difference is between psychology and psychotherapy.

Tim: The differences are sometimes exaggerated, but generally psychologists receive extensive training in research, assessment, and evidence-based interventions. Psychotherapists spend more time focused on the therapeutic relationship itself.

I actually studied psychology before psychotherapy, so I value both approaches. What drew me to psychotherapy was the opportunity to bring myself into the room and develop a meaningful relationship with the client.

The relationship became the centre of the work.

• Why Attachment Matters

Laura: Attachment is one of your major areas of interest. Who benefits from attachment-focused work?

Tim: Probably more people than we realise.

Many adults experience recurring patterns in relationships, difficulties with trust, fears of abandonment, or struggles with intimacy. Often these patterns have roots in early attachment experiences.

Attachment begins forming before we have conscious memories. If our needs weren't met consistently, we start developing beliefs about ourselves and other people that can continue into adulthood.

For many clients, developing greater attachment security creates the foundation for all other therapeutic work.

• What Insecure Attachment Can Look Like

Tim: People often notice the same issues appearing repeatedly:

• Difficult romantic relationships
• Feeling distant from parents
• Fear of closeness
• Difficulty trusting others
• Feeling overwhelmed by dependence or independence

Sometimes clients already suspect attachment may be relevant. Often that intuition is worth exploring.

Live Therapy Demonstration

• From Blankness to Understanding

Laura notices a feeling of blankness during the recording and agrees to explore it with Tim.

Through guided awareness of bodily sensations, an image emerges of a buzzing beehive inside her chest.

As the exploration continues, the image evolves into a large eye watching the activity around it — overwhelmed, uncertain, and slightly lost.

The process eventually connects with memories of being a child in a busy environment where there was plenty happening around her, but not enough slowing down and attunement.

Tim guides Laura through an attachment-based imagery exercise where an imagined supportive figure becomes available to the younger part of herself.

The result is a noticeable shift from tension and overwhelm toward calm, safety, and connection.

• What Was Happening in the Therapy Session?

Tim: What happened in that exercise demonstrates how therapy can move through different layers of experience.

We began with bodily sensations.

Then imagery emerged.

Then emotions.

Then memories.

Then attachment needs.

There was no need to force anything. The process unfolded organically.

The role of the therapist is often to help create enough safety for that unfolding to happen.

• Why the Therapeutic Relationship Matters

Laura: One thing that struck me was how different it felt having someone guide the process rather than trying to do it all myself.

Tim: That's why the relationship is so important.

Research consistently shows that the relationship between client and therapist is one of the strongest predictors of positive outcomes.

Techniques matter.

Training matters.

But the relationship matters most.

• How to Find the Right Therapist

Tim: I encourage people to start with their intuition.

Before diagnoses or modalities, simply ask:

"What is actually happening for me?"

Describe your experience in plain language.

Then do some research.

Learn about possible explanations.

Explore different approaches.

Most importantly, pay attention to your reaction to the therapist themselves.

Do you feel drawn to them?

Do you feel safe?

Do you feel curious?

Can you imagine talking honestly with them?

Those reactions matter.

• Green Flags When Choosing a Therapist

Tim and Laura identified several positive signs:

Green Flags

• They give you space to talk.
• You feel safe enough to be yourself.
• They explain how they work.
• They welcome feedback.
• They seem genuinely curious.
• They can explain how change happens.
• They acknowledge mistakes.
• They are open to discussing the therapeutic relationship.
• You feel hopeful after meeting them.

• Red Flags When Choosing a Therapist

Red Flags

• They talk about themselves excessively.
• You feel judged or dismissed.
• They act as though they already know your story.
• They offer quick fixes.
• They push trauma work before safety has been established.
• They are defensive when challenged.
• They invalidate your experience.
• They cannot explain their approach.
• Something consistently feels off in the relationship.

• Rupture and Repair

One of the most important topics discussed was rupture and repair.

Tim emphasises that misunderstandings and mistakes are inevitable in any relationship, including therapy.

The question is not whether ruptures occur.

The question is whether they can be repaired.

Many clients come from backgrounds where conflict was ignored, minimised, or never repaired. Experiencing repair inside therapy can therefore be profoundly healing.

• When Therapy Stops Working

Tim: Therapy sometimes drifts.

Clients may avoid difficult topics.

Therapists may unknowingly collude with that avoidance.

That's why ongoing conversations about the process itself are important.

Questions such as:

• Is this helping?
• Are we focusing on the right things?
• Is there something we're avoiding?

can often bring therapy back on track.

• Final Thoughts

Tim: When people ask me how to find a good therapist, I always come back to the same thing.

Start with your intuition.

Find someone who feels trustworthy.

Find someone whose training aligns with your needs.

Give the relationship enough time to develop.

And remember that successful therapy isn't just about finding the right method.

It's about finding the right relationship.

Laura: Thank you, Tim.

If you're looking for a therapist who feels like the right fit, download the Source app and begin exploring therapists who match your needs, preferences, and goals.